Disclaimer: The Sentinel, Blair Sandburg, Jim Ellison, Simon Banks, and all other characters are property of Paramount and Pet Fly. No copyright infringement is intended, and no money has exchanged hands.

Thoughts

by Arnie

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Blair

Man, it's good to see Mom - and it's especially good to see her so happy. I know she hates that I won't go with her on her next trip, and I know she's blaming Jim for that. She's afraid Jim's gonna turn me into a pseudo-cop, what with his rules and regulations. She doesn't understand him, and, no matter how hard she tries, she won't and can't understand him. They're both good people, and I know they know that, although that muscle twitching in Jim's jaw means she's getting on his nerves again. He's so polite to her even though he finds it hard at times.

I don't know why he keeps on getting annoyed with her. Maybe he's worried she's going to persuade me to take off with her on another one of her trips. No way, man! I've done that, been there, and I've definitely got the t-shirt. I spent all of my childhood moving around from one commune to another; meeting new people, finding new friends. Leaving them behind when Mom decided to move on. I mean, it hurt leaving them behind and even now I still wonder about them, but there was always the fun of finding new friends, even if I knew it was only temporary and sooner or later we'd be off again to the next great adventure. And sometimes it was an adventure - I'll never forget running into those gun smugglers in Brazil... Whoa. Better make sure I don't tell Jim that one - he'll never let me leave the loft alone. Not that it was my fault, I mean I was only ten and what ten year old isn't curious? Anyway...

I know Mom was hurt when I wouldn't go with her after I was accepted into Rainier. She just finds it hard to see that sometimes people want different things in life. Well, she knows that wanting different things is fine - diversity is important - she just finds it hard to believe that people could want to stay in one place, put down roots...have a home to come back to at the end of each day.

She certainly doesn't understand Jim, and she won't, no matter how hard she tries. They're so different. Jim's all about organisation, rules, and respect for those rules. I mean, he'll break rules when he has to but he won't break them for the sake of breaking them. Mom doesn't believe that at all - she's a firm believer that rules are made to be broken! She taught me how to think outside the box.

Jim...well, Jim is learning how to think outside the box. I mean, his Sentinel abilities are nowhere near the box! But I think he'd still prefer to be inside that box, in spite of the advantages. It's probably all that military training - they just lo-o-ove boxes. I think sometimes that that's all Mom sees: the military, the police...the box. Jim's so much more than that. He gives me a sense of security, a sense of belonging, that I never realised I was missing - yet another thing Mom wouldn't understand. I know he has a thing about rules - and I'd better make sure she doesn't notice that colour-coded Tupperware of his because I think that would drive her over the edge. I'd wake up in the back of someone's van being driven down to Mexico for de-programming or something. But he's not just about rules, he's my friend. My best friend. I know there's that whole Sentinel/Guide thing to factor into it, but it's not just that - it's more. We have so little in common sometimes, and there are times when he just doesn't get why something is important to me, but he's still there for me. He'll always be there for me. Just like I'll always be there for him.

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Naomi

Jim's looking annoyed again, although I can't think why. If it wasn't for Blair I really wouldn't even try to understand the man - he's so...so...military! I know he, well, looks after Blair - although Blair's a grown man and he's perfectly capable of taking care of himself! He's been doing that long enough. I mean, I was disappointed when Blair insisted that he was going to stay in Cascade and go to university - don't get me wrong, I was proud of him too, and it was his decision to make, but I missed him so much. However - deep breath, Naomi! - it's his life and his decisions - even though I'm never going to understand what he sees in Jim. I could understand it far more if they were a couple but they're not...they're just friends. My sweet free-spirited baby, what on earth led you to become friends with a, well...cop?

As for Jim, well...he seems to care about Blair a lot...everyone cares about Blair. When he was a child he was the happiest child around - every commune we stayed in adored him! And I know that Jim likes, well...protecting people. I guess if Blair had to stay and work with the police he's better off working with Jim than without him. But all these rules Blair has to follow...don't even get me started on that colour-coded Tupperware thing. What is that? Why can't Jim understand that people need to be free to live without rules and regulations? But no, there he is with rules for every occasion, and my baby just follows him along and accepts all those rules with a smile. Blair, baby, I wanted so much more for you than this!

I'm not even going to think about Jim's police work and the amount of danger that puts Blair in. It's his decision after all, but working with the...police isn't something I'd expect from him! And I know that Blair isn't telling me everything about his police work, I'm not stupid. However, it's his decision and I respect that, no matter how hard it is to understand that decision.

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Jim

I know Sandburg loves seeing Naomi. She's his mother, after all. Maybe I just find it hard to understand their relationship because Mom left when I was young, I don't know. It's just that...she doesn't seem like a mother. I know she loves him, I know she cares, and I know she took care of him, it's just...

What kind of a mother would leave her sixteen year old son to go to university alone while she left for another part of the country? Blair makes light of it - says it was his decision and she respected that but...he was sixteen, for God's sake. He was a child. And there he was, left alone to look after himself. Anything could have happened to him and it would have been months, or even years, before Naomi noticed! She's like a butterfly; flitting here and there and never even noticing the alligator lurking under the water. Bad analogy, I know - I don't think alligators are that interested in butterflies. She's just so irresponsible. Kids need to have rules and boundaries. They need to know where they stand - and they need to know that someone cares enough about them to haul them back into line when necessary, and to stick around and be there for them, no matter what.

I know Sandburg survived and I know he's fine - and I know that he's quick on his feet when it comes to trouble. He'd never survive a day with me if he wasn't. It's just...he was alone, without anyone to watch his back. And I don't like thinking about that.

Maybe it's because of the whole Sentinel/Guide thing...maybe. Or maybe it's because of Blair. I know I don't understand what makes him tick all the time - half the time you can't keep up with the kid, he's ticking that fast. But whatever happens, I'll be there for him. I'll watch his back just like he watches mine. He's my friend. He's my best friend. And I can't let him down.

~finis~

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