Disclaimer: The Sentinel, Blair Sandburg, Jim Ellison, Simon Banks, and all other characters are property of Paramount and Pet Fly. No copyright infringement is intended, and no money has exchanged hands.

Blair has left the loft and Jim is realizing what he is truly feeling.

LOW

By Paula C

********************

Then:

Echoes that haunt the loft

"I want you out of the loft now."

Jim would have to learn to live with that statement that he had told his Guide and friend after learning that Blair's dissertation was being published.

********************

Now:

Two months after the press conference:

Jim walked into the loft. It was quiet, like it had been the last two months. Dropping his keys into the basket, remembering that it was a habit he had learned to get into because of his roommate. Man how things changed then, and how things had changed now.

Hanging his winter coat on the peg, he headed to the kitchen. He needed a drink. He pulled a cold beer out of the fridge, flipping the cap off and flicking it to the garbage can to join the rest of the caps that were accumulating.

Not bothering to find any dinner, Jim went to the living room and sat down on the couch, letting the weariness of the day sag off his shoulders.

Man he missed Blair. Why did he tell him to go? Why did he let his old insecurities get the best of him, again? Why did he have to tell the people who tried to love him, to leave?

Simple answer to that one; because he was scared, scared of what people thought of him, what the public thought of him if they knew what had been told to them was a lie was really the truth. He was a sentinel, a man with heightened senses. He could smell what others couldn't, hear far away conversations, taste every ingredient he ate, felt the individual grooves on a surface, and see small print of a book hundred of yards away.

Blair had brought it to the forefront and he had gotten scared. And being the man he was, Jim threw him out, again.

Sitting back he closed his eyes. His head hurt, a dull throb that had never quite left since Blair himself had left the loft, there was no more grounding heartbeat to keep him settled.

Jim reached forward and found the entertainment remote and hit the stereo button, turning on the radio. The silence was the worst thing for him; with having Blair in his life he had learned now what a precious music it had been to his ears.

*And now for the follow up hit by American Idol Kelly Clarkson, Low*

Jim closed his eyes and brought the beer to his lips, drinking in the cold bitter liquid.

Everybody's talking
But they don't say a thing
They look at me with sad eyes
But I don't want their sympathy
It's cool you didn't want me
Sometimes you can't go back
By why'd you have to go
And make a mess like that
Well I just have say before I let go

Jim could see Blair in his mind's eye. Why did he go? Why didn't he fight with him to stay home? This was his home. He knew that.

The dissertation mess, Blair did the only he could do. How much did he sacrifice for him? His whole life's work, gone. Yes, Blair how could I make a mess like that.

Have you ever been low
Have you ever had a friend that let you down so
When the truth came out
Were you the last to know
Were you left out in the cold
'Cause what you did was low

Yes, I have let a friend down. I let you down. You didn't let the truth come out but in the end you were left out in the cold. You left your home. You left me, your best friend. Maybe I was the last to know.

No I don't need your number
There's nothing left to say
'Cept I never thought it'd
Hurt this much to be saved
My friends are outside waiting
I've gotta go

The day you left you told me you turned off your cell phone, you had no money to keep it.

You looked at me with those sad blue eyes, like there was nothing left. Was there anything left? I wonder sometimes.

I heard the honk of the horn; you had a friend taking you to the bus station. One of the few people that still talked to you.

Don't go, please don't go.

Have you ever been low
Have you ever had a friend that let you down so
When the truth came out
Were you the last to know
Were you left out in the cold
'Cause what you did was low

I walk out of this darkness
With no sense of regret
And I go with a clear conscience
We both know that you can't say that
This to show for all the time I loved you so

Have you ever been low
Have you ever had a friend that let you down so
When the truth came out
Were you the last to know
Were you left out in the cold
'Cause what you did was low

The song ended and went onto another selection but Jim remained still, remembering the song's lyrics.

Cold. Sandburg was out in the cold. Jim shook his head. How Blair hated the cold. Maybe he went to warmer climates. I don't know. Where did you go?

How could I be so low?

END

Low

(Jimmy Harry)
© EMI Virgin Music, Inc./Whorga Music (ASCAP)

Everybody's talking
But they donít say a thing
They look at me with sad eyes
But I don't want their sympathy
It's cool you didn't want me
Sometimes you can't go back
By why'd you have to go
And make a mess like that
Well I just have say before I let go

Have you ever been low
Have you ever had a friend that let you down so
When the truth came out
Were you the last to know
Were you left out in the cold
'Cause what you did was low

No I don't need your number
There's nothing left to say
'Cept I never thought it'd
Hurt this much to be saved
My friends are outside waiting

I've gotta go

Have you ever been low
Have you ever had a friend that let you down so
When the truth came out
Were you the last to know
Were you left out in the cold
'Cause what you did was low

I walk out of this darkness
With no sense of regret
And I go with a clear conscience
We both know that you can't say that
This to show for all the time I loved you so

Have you ever been low
Have you ever had a friend that let you down so
When the truth came out
Were you the last to know
Were you left out in the cold
'Cause what you did was low

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