"Are you out of your mind?! You dragged me all the way out here to tell me I'm some sort of caveman?"
"Well, maybe I was a little out of line with that caveman-remark but..."
"Listen, you neo-hippie witch-doctor punk!"
- Jim and Blair, Switchman

"Man, I am not in the mood to have my head ventilated by some pissed off magpie."
- Blair to Jim, Switchman

"Part of your job is to walk into a place and figure out what happened there. So is mine, but just that my places are usually a few thousand years vacant."
- Blair to Jim, Switchman

"I am NOT cutting my hair."
- Blair to Jim, Switchman

"Look...I may be a rookie in your little Dirty Harry-world here, but I'm telling you man when it comes to thesis speak...I'm a pro!"
- Blair to Jim, Siege

"We just took a brief detour to the Sandburg zone."
- Jim to Blair, Killers

"Allright, look, Sandburg, this is a crime scene. I don't want you touching anything."
"I know! I'm an anthropologist, I've been to excavations before!"
"You know what? On second thought, stay out here!"
- Simon and Blair, Killers

"So, how are your...roommates getting along?"
"Don't ask. He makes all these weird noises, he eats stuff I can't even look at, I mean, he smells funny...all he ever does is watch TV all day...It's driving me crazy! The monkey's OK, though."
- Joel and Jim, The Debt

"They found Larry."
"Where?!"
"That mini-kong of yours busted back into my apartment, and he trashed it. Now, Animal Control has the place surrounded, right? So I'm gonna give you half an hour to bag him, and if he doesn't come out with his hands up, well then I call in a SWAT-sniper."
"Did they say what he was doing?"
"He was watching TV."
"You're kiddin me!... What program?"
- Jim and Blair, The Debt

"I was thinking about getting a Cascade PD insignia tattooed right on my chest."
"Above the nipple ring?"
"How'd you know about that?"
"Let me tell you something. You get a tattoo and your Blessed Protector's gonna kick your ass down seven flights to the lobby."
- Blair and Jim, Cypher

"Don't you think we should have a secret password or something?" ....
"Why don't you say 'who is it?' and I'll say 'Ellison'. And then you open the door."
- Blair and Jim, Night Train

I arrest the bad guys, and you do everything you can to get them off."
- Jim to Isabelle, Night Train

"Let's get some pizza."
"Hire death? No way man."
"All right. How about Mexican?"
"Why don't you just shoot the lard straight into your veins? Come on."
"Hey Sandburg, have you noticed the sudden drop off in the amount of people that'll eat with you?"
- Jim and Blair, Love And Guns

"Maybe we should get you home."
"Now I know what it feels like to be you! I mean not the enhanced senses part, but that reptilian brain, that primal man survival of the fittest! Yahhaa!!!"
(while pretending to shoot a very large gun)
"I'll drive, Conan, gimme the keys."
- Jim and Blair, Love And Guns

"Trust me."
"You know, coming from you, those are the two scariest words in the English language."
- Blair and Jim, Attraction

"Thank you, Lord...uh...for all you do...for the great chili ... Amen."
- Jim, Vow Of Silence

"You wanna go along for the ride?"
"Yeah!"
"Then you do what I tell you, when I tell you, no questions asked..."
"Huh... So what else is new?"
- Jim and Blair, Flight

"And, uh, what pray tell is that thing?"
"This is a Cree Indian fishing spear. I thought I'd give it a shot."
"Oh really? Well, you'll be doing it downstream from me, Hiawatha, because I hate the sound of trout laughing."
- Jim and Blair, Secret

"You know Blair, Naomi's a very attractive woman. I never would've guessed that she's so young."
"Whoa, whoa, just keep guessing Jim! That's my mom! Take a cold shower, man!"
- Jim and Blair, Spare Parts

"Only you could eat egg foo yong for breakfast."
"Fried eggs, poached eggs, egg foo yong....What's the difference?"
- Blair and Jim, Second Cnance

"Number one, you're not a cop, you're a civilian observer. Number two, you're personally involved."
"When did that stop you?"
"Hmmm, this is not about me."
- Jim and Blair, Second Chance

"When my ex-wife and I first got serious, I burned all the old letters from all the old girlfriends."
"Purfication Ritual."
"No. Pre-emptive strike."
- Jim and Blair, Blind Man's Bluff

"Usually if Blair says something ... it's true."
- Jim to Pam, Out of the Past

C'mon, man. You've got the attention span of a gerbil."
- Blair to Jim, Out Of The Past

"Now let's journey to that part of the brain where your senses converge."
"What's this? Fantastic Voyage?"
"Jim, if you don't want to cooperate..."
"Allright, allright... I'm converging."
- Blair and Jim, Out Of The Past

"If that place blows, you're gonna end up in another zipcode."
- Jim to Blair, Black Or White

"Just don't go trying to turn hero on me, Blair."
"Me? You must be joking."
- Jim and Blair, True Crime

"You're telling me we're lost?"
"No, no, no, we're not lost. We're just forty miles in the wrong direction, that's all!"
"Oh, just forty miles,well, you were supposed to be navigating here, Chief!"
- Jim and Blair, Reunion

"Well, the way Sandburg navigates we'd probably be lost and mauled by a sasquatch or two."
- Jim to Simon, Reunion

"Allright, I'll bite. What's up?"
"Nothing..."
"Nothing?"
"Well... Allright, there is something. I mean we work together every day, right? I'm staying at your place and still you're like this enigma!"
"Enigma?"
"Yeah, an enigma!"
"What do you mean?"
"What do I mean? That thing with the bikes today, the Harleys, you're an expert!"
"I was into bikes in High School..."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"You never asked! This was supposed to be an academic relationship, next thing I know you're gonna want the PIN-number to my ATM."
"3840, your parents birthdays, remember?"
- Jim and Blair, Payback

"Hey, how about letting me drive, man?"
"Uh no, thank you..."
"Why not?"
"Because I've got a 1000 dollars deductible on my insurance, you left the bathroom a complete mess, and the Mariners lost to Texas, how many other reasons do you need?"
- Blair and Jim, Payback

"Your friend has quite a way with kids."
"He's not so far removed."
- Elise and Jim, Vanishing Act

"Sandburg inhabits a rather strange and confusing world. Do you want to go there?"
- Jim to Simon, Vanishing Act

Hey Simon, is it just me or is Cascade the most dangerous city in America?"
- Jim to Simon, Dead Drop

"I am calm, I am calm, I am....freezing."
- Jim, Hear No Evil

"Your hearing is one of your greatest asset and if you've been only using it at half-speed, think of what you can do!"
"Spend the rest of my life being tortured by dog whistles."
- Blair and Jim, Hear No Evil

"Please accept my humble apologies."
"I accept your apology."
"Thanks Miss Hawthorne."
"You can call me Wendy."
"Call me Jim."
"Call me stunned!"
- Jim, Wendy and Blair, Hear No Evil

"Better have a rescue unit stand by, we got a couple of city cops poking around the north woods."
"I wouldn't worry about Detective Ellison. He was a Ranger."
"Oh yeah? 'Lone' or 'Space'?"
- Sheriff and Fed, Survival

You won't think less of me if I actually take you up on that offer?"
"I'll probably think you're some self-serving, spineless goober."
- Blair and Jim, Survival

"Cold and wet is my world."
- Blair, Survival

"You knew."
"But I didn't lie."
"But you knew."
"But I didn't lie."
- Jim and Blair, His Brother's Keeper

"Come on, Jim. What kind of dog do you think I am?"
"One that would jump a table leg."
- Blair and Jim, Warriors

"'69 was a very good year for me."
"Yeah. I was born."
"Except for that."
- Jim and Blair, 3-Point Shot

"All right, my little guppy. You ready for your first fly casting lesson?"
- Jim to Blair, Poachers

"So, what do you think of our two feds?"
"Well, Raferty's not so bad but I could do without uh, what's her name, Walters."
"Yeah, right. You know what I think? I think there's a definite attraction between you two."
"Yeah, I think you've been chewing Paotay buttons again."
"It's inevitable. You guys are too much alike."
"You're forgetting your physics Chief. Opposites attract, light charges repel. You can trust me on this one, I'm repelled."
"Whatever."
- Blair and Jim, Poachers

"As an anthropologist, I have to wonder what it is about our culture that breeds this type of criminal."
"I think it's money."
- Blair and Simon, Vendetta

"I'll be using my best diplomatic skills sir."
"Oh God, that's what I'm afraid of."
- Jim and Simon, Fool Me Twice

"So, what do you think?"
"I don't trust her. Not as far as I can throw you."
- Simon and Jim, Red Ice

"Ok, D'Artagnan, why don't ya just back off on this one. You've already dated half of the eligible women in the department. Leave her alone, ok?"
- Jim to Blair, Dead Certain

"The breadth of your knowledge never ceases to amaze me."
- Simon to Blair, Dead Certain

"When flying was flying; wind in your hair, heart in your throat..."
"...bugs in your teeth."
- Blair and Jim, Dead Certain

"Hey, turn this up."
"Why?"
"Why? Because I can't hear it. There are some definite drawbacks to living with you."
- Blair and Jim, Breaking Ground

"Now, if you go anywhere near that place, I'm gonna have to use your head as a football."
- Jim to Blair, Prisoner X

"Strictly an observer, eh, Chief?"
"Yep."
"Maybe a little voyeur?"
"Well, maybe."
- Jim and Blair, The Trance

"No way. Absolutely not."
"Why do you always say that? Why is that always your first answer?"
"Three reasons. One, you're not a cop. Two, you're not a cop. Three, you're not a cop."
- Simon and Blair, Mirror Image

"Give me your coat."
"Why don't we use your coat?"
"Because you're the Captain. You can afford a new coat."
- Jim and Simon, Crossroads

"Shoot the tires out."
"With what? I don't have a gun. I'm a consultant."
- Megan and Blair, Foreign Exchange

"I'll guide her through it, captain."
"Jim, that's guide, not drag."
- Simon and Jim, Night Shift

Your police world is very black and white. If you spent more time here, you'd realize these hallowed halls are very gray."
"Needs a paint job, Sydney."
- Sydney (anthropology department head) and Blair, Murder 101

"Why does he bug me?"
"Because he called you old and told you, you couldn't hack it with the ladies."
- Jim and Simon, Murder 101

"Speaking of money, the 20 bucks you left on the counter? I borrowed it."
"Defense rests."
- Blair and Jim, Dead End on Blank Street

"If there's dirt, I'll find it."
"Do you do windows also?"
- IAD officer and Jim, Dead End on Blank Street

"One of the symptoms of mental disorder is heightened senses."
"I know I'm crazy for putting up with you."
- Blair and Jim, The Waiting Room

"I don't really get modern art. Maybe you do, but this just looks like a big white square to me."
"It is a big white square, Jim. It's a blank canvas."
- Jim and Blair, The Waiting Room

"There. That covers everything. That's why I'm the Captain."
- Simon, The Waiting Room

"Turn east on western."
"You sure it's not west on eastern?"
- Blair and Jim, The Real Deal

"Now is it just the acoustics in that room, or does everyone behind that desk automatically get loud?"
- Blair, The Sentinel by Blair Sandburg